Blue M&M

| Way of life | 1 Comment

Over there a couple of meters from where I was sitting I saw a single Blue M&M poised ever so perfectly on the floor of the train carriage in which I was sitting. There it was right exactly in the middle of the aisle screaming for my attention. Amazingly enough, it appeared to be hovering perfectly in place no more than a fraction of a millimeter above the floor surface. Maybe it was even less than a fraction of a millimeter for all I knew.

As the train bounced and shifted from left to right or came to a stop and started again abruptly or initiated a slight curve, the single Blue M&M just stayed there in place. It did not move, it refused to budge. This was against all the laws of physics I had ever learned in school. You know, where it is a proven scientific fact that objects in accelerating and/or turning vehicles will succumb to the centrifugal forces of nature by flying off to the left or the right depending on the changes in velocity. The causal observer would have expected the Blue M&M to roll over to one side or the other, but it did not.

My mind was boggled in place, and then I realized that I was observing a miracle of which no one else in the train was aware. Yes, it was a miracle.

To make the miracle even more of a miracle, at each train stop where droves of passengers got on and off the train, passing along the very aisle upon which this vulnerable Blue M&M was located, not a single stepping shoe crushed nor even barely touched the hovering candy treat. That crazy Blue M&M just stayed there unharmed and unchanged as if it were always meant to be.

For the next thirty minutes or so, all I did was watch with much joy and awe this miracle of nature taking place. I stared and thought about how interesting it was that I had been chosen to observe this and no one else.

Finally it was my time to get off the train, but a couple hundred meters before the stop I got up early and ran over to the spot where the amazing Blue M&M was drifting in a frozen dimension of space and time. Trying not to be too obvious, I bent down nonchalantly, placed my knees on the ground and inspected the little miracle up close with peering eyes. The casual observer must have thought that I was in prayer.

No my eyes did not deceive me, though the Blue M&M was not exactly hovering -- still a miracle nonetheless.

What was really happening was this. The curved under-belly of the slightly flattened spherical shape formed a perfect tangent with the infinite flat surface of the train floor. A single dimensionless point held the two surfaces in tight contact, as if they had fused centuries before. The Blue M&M had been able to affix itself like a parasite, because of a random coming together of natural processes: moisture, gravity, shape, sound, the angle of light and the coming of time.

I was tempted to extract this little wonderful blue miracle from its throne, and I could have taken it home with me as a souvenir of my amazing experience. I did not because it would not have made any sense to do so. It was not meant to be.

All of a sudden, the train shuddered to a complete stop. The many passengers stood up to get out. One old man carrying a walking stick accidentally pushed me to the side when the momentum of his weight carried him forward due to the abrupt train stop. With his walking stick flailing in the air, he was just able to regain balance by absorbing his collision with my left shoulder, and at the exact same moment firmly stabbing the train floor with his cane at the correct angle.

That is when I heard the crunch and then the silence. Oh dear.

The rubber tip of the walking stick had come down "exactly" on top of the Blue M&M and crushed it in a millisecond. No it was less than a fraction of a millisecond. A perfectly thin two dimensional object whose length was approximately one meter and a half intersecting exactly a one dimensional point on the infinite surface of the train floor. The impossible had occurred, yet another miracle on top of a miracle on top of the first miracle. The innocent and unknowing Blue M&M had been caught right in the middle of this meeting of unequal dimensions. What were the odds of this happening, exactly at the same moment when my eyes were glued on the little blue sphere?

I suddenly felt nauseous as if I had witnessed a most terrible accident, a tragedy of human existence.

The tip of the cane raised up and it was true. Tears welled up in my eyes and my throat became dry. I could not move. The single Blue M&M which had been hovering perfectly in place for centuries upon centuries had now been flattened into non-existence.

I followed the old man out of the train, but I could not blame him nor have any ill-feelings. I could have saved that Blue M&M and brought it home as a memento, but I hadn't. That also had a reason.

Tomorrow would bring me to other more interesting miracles and amazing feats of nature.

1 Comment

Beware the Blue M&M
Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Beware the Blue M&M
Beware the Blue M&M: What the Federal Government doesn't want you to know about the Blue M&M. (as related to me by Dr. Zurfeld T. Cunningham)

Disclaimer: This monograph makes no claims or accusations for or against the Mars Candy Corporation and or the federal government. This information is simply to inform and communicate the seriousness of this situation.

On first examination one would not consider this particular confection a detriment to ones current situation or well being. Upon further examination and reflection it is obviously apparent or apparently obvious that this delicious treat does contain a harbinger of ill will and suspect use by entities as of yet still unidentified. This hopefully brief monograph will elucidate some further insight into this serious conflagration sweeping the nation.

Historical Perspective
The blue m&m first made its debut 1994 after an erroneous marketing campaign purported to let the world “pick” a new color. Sources close to the Mars organization have revealed that this decision was destine from the beginning. This color substitution marketing campaign was created to reactivate an insidious program that was de-railed due to the controversial great Red Scare of the 1980's -- when fears of the carcinogenic properties of Red dye No. 5 led to a several-years-long wholesale removal of red M&M's from the M&M nation. Make no mistake, the ferocity in which this program was conceived, was and is still determined to fulfill its ultimate diabolical outcome. To that end the establishment of a new “chosen” color allowed for the infiltration of this clandestine program back into the mainstream of American and world society.

Unknown Questions
The fundamental question still remains, why would this “black ops” organization pursue such a nefarious operation? What motivates these shadowy individuals into action? Could it be Roswell or Area 51? This information as related to me by the ignominious Dr. Zurfeld T. Cunningham reveals a shocking look at what lengths this unknown organization is willing to go to in order to achieve their objective.

Creation and Operations
Blue M&Ms have been genetically altered, some reports say that illegal cloning technology was used, in order to provide elctro-bio-organic emanations that can track and record the movements of any citizen who unwittingly consumes these confections. Extensive use of geosynchronous satellite surveillance apparati and ground based down-linked communications listening posts are manned twenty four hours a day seven days a week three hundred and sixty-five days a year. A staff of unknown size has at their disposal endless computing resources in which to fulfill their ultimate goal. Additional resources are brought in by means of black helicopters when suspected “hot spots” are requiring closer examination. This Herculean effort has been undertaken under the guise of ensuring the health and welfare of the general citizenry when in actuality this program is striking at the very heart of our civilization.

By making use of this unassuming morsel individuals who consume the Blue M&M are currently being tracked and monitored by this rogue outfit. Purportedly the ultimate conundrum pursued by this organization is to ascertain to exact location of Elvis.
Knowing that “the King” reportedly had an aversion to “blue food” (credit here given to George Carlan) this operation is based upon the process of elimination. Having the ability to account for the whereabouts of an entire population will allow the commanders of this program to exactly pinpoint the exact location of their quarry.

- posted by James @ 4:23 PM

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