Communication breakdown

| Work and play | 6 Comments

Lately I have on occasion been reminded by certain individuals (whose names I would prefer not to mention here) that I am too often lacking in certain regards when it comes to the art of communication with other human beings. This results in misunderstandings and agreements which are not quite completed. I come under fire and duck low. Saying this and meaning that where mental wavelengths do not match at the same level. This is disturbing for me to hear, especially since I am "totally" unaware of this aggravating shortcoming myself. Problems communicating? Strange, didn't notice anything. Almost like in the Hitchcock film "Suspicion" where Fontaine is the fearful wife who believes her husband Grant is trying to kill her. Is he really trying to kill her or is he just trying to make her think that in order to make her crazy? Rather than murder I am worried about communication breakdown and a possible conspiracy. Could I be getting even more paranoid that just keeping track of reality is becoming a chore in concentration? I think not. This chore of trying to keep up with the rampant changes and movements around me draining my concentration just enough that I miss out on the most subtle of implications? No one can communicate with one hundred percent effectiveness, but I had always considered myself at least above average. When it comes to the written word I am definitely alright, a-okay, though at times I tend to be too intellectual and/or esoteric. Difficult enough I must admit, for some verging on miscommunication indeed. But talking with fellow employees should be as straightforward as combing one's hair, offering a cup of coffee, throwing a quick smile or glancing in the distinctly right way. Or not? Why would communication be a problem for me and how does it effect those around me? If indeed this problem really exists. No it cannot be that bad now. Could be I am thinking that I am saying things or that I intend to express certain ideas and that they are emitted incorrectly from my visage. Words coming out okay, but the expressions on my face, the look of my eyes, an awkward motion of my hand or whatever, distracting the listener just enough so that he or she perceives chunks and disconnected impressions. Not quite exactly what I intended, not quite exactly and enough to shift out a chasm between us. Shouldn't be. Of course, I remain open for suggestions on how to improve this, but I need concrete examples in order to recognize this fault and be able to avoid nastiness in the future. Okay you guys with the comments, please provide evidence and guidance in a good enough form so that I can improve. If that is really there. See, I am unable to see this for myself clearly. I will be more attuned and ask around. Repeat myself clearly and repeat what I think others are saying to me. But that is exactly what I have been doing for quite some time now. Don't stop but keep on going. It is a communication breakdown which hasn't quite started to break down. Not yet, so there is time, time to spare. So there is still hope, I hope. This entry about communication has been communicated in good form at least. Or not? You the readers are the one and only ones who can help me decide.

6 Comments

What'd you say?

Haha. Sorry, I had to.

Yes, done fine. Funny reading this, I have a similar problem. But mine is with me worrying about it, not others pointing it out to me. I'm not the greatest at communication in person. I can be totally outgoing one day, and then the next day when you come over to visit I'll spit out words like Ugh in the cave. Then later on in the evening I'll feel inclined to call my earlier visitor to apologize and they'll say, "Really? I hadn't noticed." Then I feel dumb. Can't win either way, I suppose.

Now Bek that hurts. Okay I know you are just joking, but still...

::grin:: You know I love you, Kiff.

As a quick reference, take into consideration Gardner's 7 Intelligences. Now think back to comments concerning your entry, How to Understand.

So... communication requires a listener. Listening and perception may be affected by the way one has been programmed to learn. So does it now become the duty of the speaker to be aware of the style of preferred intelligence of the listener so that the speaker can adjust the message to effectively communicate with the listener? Maybe. I know the argument in your mind right now. "It's not my responsibility to watch out for the egos of everyone around me." Let's think about driving a car. We are (at least in the states) taught defensive driving. Drive in a way as if you will be able to protect yourself and assume that everyone else has no clue how to drive correctly. Ah, fear works in great ways. Anyway. The concept of manipulating your message to communicate with specific people was taught to me while studying education in college.

None of this means that you are wrong Kiffin. The fact is that some people cannot communicate in more than one way, and sometimes it requires the speaker to change something. It is perception. And I must say that having only been exposed to your written word, that you have the inherent ability to talk in all sorts of mental voices. I would think that this could be easily applied to your audible life.

My wife thinks that trying to accommodate everyone in his or her own style of learning and/or communication is not efficient and requires too much forethought. "They should just get over it." Yes? Well, if we apply the forethought now, we will not have to re-explain ourselves later.

Don't know if this helps Kiffin! But I have no examples of your life to give back to you.

Those are certainly interesting ideas, Stu. I especially like the part about being able to adapt the way you communicate for an optimal match with the other person. This is partly a learned trait but some people are plainly better at it than others. I am afraid that I am not one of the better ones. I have always been great at writing emails "afterwords" in order to express myself better. Better would be the ability to react spontaneously to the situation, but since I have the tendency to weight the options first and carefully think about what the proper reaction should be, the conversation skips onwards without me (before I can react with emotion and spontaneously). Writing is easier in that regard, because while the end product is a long and linear story, it was written with spurts and silences with many corrections in-between in order to create the perfect blog entry. I choose for being more myself and accommodating when required but not to an unnecessarily exaggerated way. Thanks alot

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This personal weblog was started way back on July 21, 2001 which means that it is 7-21-2001 old.

So far this blog contains no less than 2279 entries and as many as 1881 comments.

Important events

Graduated from Stanford 6-5-1979 ago.

Kiffin Rockwell was shot down and killed 9-23-1916 ago.

Believe it or not but I am 10-11-1957 young.

Began well-balanced and healthy life style 1-8-2013 ago.

My father passed away 10-20-2000 ago.

First met Thea in Balestrand, Norway 6-14-1980 ago.